Divorce is expensive, and the aftermath can destroy a family for a long time. Mediation minimizes these costs and the continuation of aftershocks from the initial devastation.
Some of the costs associated with divorce are:
o Lawyer fees/mediator fees
o Time lost from work/lost work/lost opportunities
o Psychological stress/illness/trauma
o Trauma to children
LAWYER’S FEES/MEDIATOR’S FEES
Divorce where financial issues or the child’s living arrangements are in dispute usually cost more than twenty-five thousand dollars per couple. Cases involving complicated property divisions or support issues can exceed fifty thousand dollars per couple. These cases can take as long as two to three years to reach the courts.
In contrast, these same types of cases often have a combined total cost to both partners of less than ten thousand dollars in mediation and attorney’s fees when the divorced couple chooses to go to mediation before bringing court action. The time it takes to complete a mediated divorce is often less than six months.
Mediated divorces are usually less expensive although the hourly rates for mediators are often similar to the hourly rates charged by attorneys. It costs less because the time it takes the mediator and attorney in a mediated divorce is far less than the time it takes two separate attorneys to proceed the divorce through the court system.
This is partly due to the fact that a lot of time and money in attorney fees is used, during the early stages of the divorce proceedings, to resolve peripheral issues, for attitude and intimidation purposes. Clients often find themselves going to court many times to try matters of little importance to the outcome of their case.
For example, one spouse may seek court intervention to order the other spouse to pay certain costs, temporarily, or to determine who is entitled to stay in the house during the divorce proceedings. These are often two hotly contested issues in which each opposing attorney seeks to gain a psychological advantage over the other by “winning” favorable decisions early in the litigation.
Also, issues involving one party’s failure to produce the required documents, or answer certain questions, can tie up a divorce case for two or three years. This rarely occurs during the mediation process as the agreement to mediate includes an agreement to provide all the documents and information requested by the mediator. Refusal to do so will stop mediation.
Unfortunately, one of the most widely used tactics for adjudicating such temporary or peripheral issues is character assassination of the opposing partner during court appearances. Once this is initiated, clients are willing to continue to fund their attorneys to protect them from what they perceive to be a potentially devastating outcome.
Another factor that causes a protracted/expensive divorce process is the conflict of interest between the client and the attorney. Most attorneys need a sizeable following (between five and ten thousand dollars) before they start a case, as well as additional followers, as the case progresses. The attorney then charges the hourly rate credited against the retainer. If the attorney settles the case, the attorney is required to return the unused portion of the retainer to the client. The more time it takes to settle a divorce case, the more money lawyers make.
Mediators generally operate under different financial structures. They make money by working with more clients for a shorter period of time. A good mediator develops a reputation for helping their clients reach a resolution to their divorce issues quickly. Some mediators will further limit the client’s financial exposure and fear rising costs by charging a set fee to prepare all the paperwork once the client reaches an agreement.
Once the paperwork is complete, the mediation client is encouraged to bring the divorce documents to a separate “consulting” attorney for review. These documents should include the divorce agreement as well as all financial back-up materials such as recent retirement accounts and bank statements, appraisals, mortgage balance statements, and tax returns.
Consulting attorneys will generally charge only a few hours (not a substantial retainer) to review divorce documents. The net result is less time spent by everyone and less money spent by clients.
LOST TIME FROM WORK/LOSS JOBS/LOSS OPPORTUNITIES
The time commitment required to prepare for and attend court proceedings consumes time, energy, and available resources that could be used to improve each partner’s job performance or pursue financial opportunities.
The stress of a sued divorce can be so debilitating that litigants are often unable to do their jobs even at a minimal level of competence. As a result, it is not uncommon for people who experience divorce to lose their jobs or experience business failure.
Mediation saves time, emotional energy, and financial resources, and allows couples to move forward without having to recover from the destructive side effects experienced during litigation.
PSYCHOLOGICAL STRESS/ DISEASE/TRAUMA
It’s also not uncommon for someone to become seriously ill while going through a divorce. The fear of the unknown, the psychological trauma caused by the other couple’s behavioral experiences (both inside and outside the courtroom), and the need to deal with parent-child relationship problems can be overwhelming.
Mediation brings financial and childcare issues into the open, to be addressed and resolved through collaboration. Even though every couple may not get exactly the results they thought they wanted, they did get a resolution, and with that resolution comes the opportunity to move on and rebuild.
There is nothing more difficult than facing the unknown and experiencing feelings of impotence associated with the inability to navigate to the other side. Mediation provides the tools to get through divorce without leaving any ruin.
TRAUMA FOR CHILDREN
One of the strongest reasons to mediate is to protect your children. It’s quite difficult for children to come to terms with the fact that the family they trust will continue to exist is breaking up. Children seek their parents’ guidance and help them understand what is going on in their home.
Children who experience parents who treat each other with respect and who can also remain available to their children and other responsibilities, even during a divorce, are more likely to model such behavior and view the world in a more positive light.
Mediation allows couples to maintain their integrity and continue to present themselves to their children as the parents they are proud to see their children become.