The best people to ask to write a character reference letter for child custody fall into three categories. First, the person must know you, but maintain some level of impartiality. Second, the person must know your children and how you act around them. Third, the person must be willing to put effort and time into creating quality results. If you can find someone in this category, that person would be the best person to write your character’s reference letter for child custody.
1. The person knows you and is impartial.
You need to find someone who knows you and has spent enough time with you to understand your positive qualities. You want someone who can be honest and specific in what they write about you. An effective character letter will give specific examples of your character traits and not give out vague platitudes. The statement, “I know Bob is a nice guy because I saw him working in the soup kitchen one Friday,” is better than the statement, “Bob is nice.”
Effective character references are also impartial. A letter from your mother telling the court that you are the best father in the world, is less persuasive than a letter from a coworker or neighbor that starts with, “I didn’t really like Bob, but I know he loves his kids.” Therefore, it is better to find someone who is not related to you to write the letter.
2. The person knows your children and how you act around them.
The most important factor a court will look at in a letter is how you treated your children. Courts want to know all about how you treat your children, and it’s important to find someone who can provide lots of specific, positive details about your upbringing. You need someone who has spent time with you and your children, who has seen the two of you interact, and who can provide positive feedback. A good example of these people is a parent of children who have spent time at your house or perhaps someone you have vacationed with.
3. The person must be willing to put effort and time into creating quality results.
Lastly, you need to choose someone who can and has the time to write. You can pick someone who thinks about your world, but if they can’t write in a clear and convincing way, then they can’t help you. I often ask my clients to get as many letters as possible because some of the letters we get are so bad we can’t use them.
When selecting someone to write to, look for someone with writing experience. Managers or teachers often write a lot of recommendation letters and know how to do it. You want someone who will put effort into writing a letter, not someone who will deliver a letter quickly in 30 minutes.
When you do ask someone for the letter, explain to them the importance of the letter and make sure you give them enough time to write the letter. As soon as you know you need it, start asking people because you want to give the letter writer as much time as possible to think about and work on your letter.
Finding someone who fits all of these categories is not easy. I often suggest that clients start by thinking of their friends and neighbors as references. If they don’t work, move on to co-workers, teachers, and managers. However, don’t be afraid to ask. Many people have problems in their families and are often more than willing to help someone in need.