Divorce is never a pleasant prospect, but it can often be navigated successfully, especially when both partners are friendly and reasonable about the event. Unfortunately, there is a portion of our population that suffers from personality disorders that affect interpersonal relationships in a very negative way. One of the most common, especially in men, is narcissism. In a divorce, the traits of narcissism — lack of empathy, a willingness to exploit, a sense of entitlement — can become more pervasive and destructive. You may be getting divorced because of some confusing and hurtful actions of your partner, and announcing your intention to divorce is likely to make the situation worse. Here are 4 strategies for divorcing a narcissist and protecting your interests:
1. Take care of yourself in legal trouble. Hire a good attorney who understands the dynamics of narcissism and the fact that your partner may not share the same reasons as other people. Don’t take anything your partner says “in good faith” as solid. Make sure you follow the legal steps recommended by your attorney to protect yourself. Make copies of all relevant financial records, including but not limited to bank statements, investment reports, 401K reports, loan information, property appraisals, credit card statements, insurance policies, employee compensation plans, mileage plan reports, tax returns, pay stubs , W -2, and the title of the car.
2. Make some basic emergency financial provisions. Make sure you have a credit card in your own name. If you need to apply, do so now, while your spouse and your credit are still being combined. Open a bank account in your name and put an emergency fund in it, in case your spouse violates a court order and tries to stop you from accessing the funds. If you don’t want your partner to know you’re saving money, try using your debit card and asking for the amount of the purchase, and then putting the cash in an account.
3. Make notes, and document everything that is relevant to your case. This may be especially relevant if you are in a custody dispute over concerns about your narcissist’s upbringing, or if you live in a place where “fault” is considered in a divorce. Document times, dates, places, and events.
4. Avoid interaction with your partner, and don’t listen to what he has to say about you. Your partner will likely continue to undermine your confidence and make you question your decisions. Be careful what you share to avoid anything being used against you in the process. If you have to communicate with your partner, try to stick to business, like children. If things get personal, stop communicating or try turning off content so that you are not affected.