Recently, I met a man whose father died suddenly in IL where he grew up. He came home to CA from the memorial. The man shares his dad got sick suddenly. Within days of being admitted to the hospital, they called and told him to get there immediately. He said that when he arrived, his father took four breaths and left. I can see the shock and numbness in this man from the experience of his father’s passing. The man said his parents were by no means hoarders, but he was weighed down by his grief and should probably look into the house and make final settlement of his father’s affairs.
In an article by Lawrence R Samuel Ph.D. in Psychology Today titled “Death, American Style”, (*see link below) Dr. Samuel stated: “Over the past century, death and sex struggled to become unnamed number ones in America; these two topics best reflect our shame and shame when it comes to all matters of the body. But death has soared far ahead of sex in ” forbidden intelligence,” I think most would agree; the former is now firmly ensconced as a principal source of anxiety, discomfort, and arrest.”
I am confused by our cultural shame on the subject of death. We celebrate and plan births. When planning to have a baby, we get the best doctors we can, we read books on pregnancy, organize the baby’s arrival and we prepare the nursery. Wouldn’t it make sense to plan for death in the same way?
Both will happen organically, but surely with some planning and education, they can both go more smoothly for you and your family than no plan or care at all.
Here are some basics to consider.
1. Achieve will or trust
2. Establish a power of attorney or power of attorney that appears (see my previous article on this matter)
3. Create a Will, Medical Directive or “Five Wishes”
4. Consider pre-planning your Funeral, Memorial, or Celebration of Life
5. Tell your plan to the family or designated guardian
Even a simple person needs a trust or a will. The trust or will conveys your wishes and legally shows how your property will be distributed at your death. Depending on the laws in your state, a trust can save your family 3-10% in court and probate attorney fees, not to mention the time it takes to go through the process which can be months or even years.
Will: A written statement naming a person to administer your estate and how your property will be distributed upon death. You must sign, date and witness your will.
Holographic Will: The will is made entirely in your own hands.
Trust: It is a legal vehicle in which property is held by one party for the benefit of another. Property of any kind can be stored in the trust. Trusts can provide benefits in estate planning, asset protection, and taxes. It’s important to research probate & estate planning laws in your state and find out if a trust or will is appropriate for your situation.
Irrevocable Trust: Once you have placed a property into an irrevocable trust, you cannot take the property back. For all intents and purposes, the property now belongs to the trust.
Revocable Trust: Your property is placed into a trust. You can cancel the transfer by deleting the property and ending the trust.
Power of attorney: Authorize designees to act on your behalf in personal, business and legal matters. You can describe how much power your appointees have and under what circumstances they have the right to act on your behalf. (See article about power of attorney)
Health Care Directive, Living Testament or Five Wishess:
Tremendous amounts of money are spent on end-of-life care in the US. Not enough of these resources are assigned to end-of-life plans.
A Health Care Directive or Living Testament is a legal document in which a person determines what action to take for their health if they are no longer able to make decisions for themselves due to illness or disability.
An alternative to A Health Care Directive or Living Will is The Five Wishes.
Five Desires tell your family and doctor:
- Who do you want to make health care decisions for you when you can’t make them.
- The type of medical care you want or don’t want.
- How comfortable do you want to be.
- How do you want people to treat you.
- What do you want your loved ones to know.
“Five Wishes is changing the way America talks about and plans for end-of-life care. More than 23 million copies Five Desires circulating throughout the country, distributed by more than 40,000 organizations. Five Desires meets legal requirements in 42 states and is useful in 50 of them. Fill out online and print for $5.”
Most people want to keep assets in the family – and avoid large sums of money going to lawyers and probate courts. In addition, they want to maintain peace in the family. Create an estate plan and communicate that plan to whoever agrees to handle your business.
Be sure to consider getting a legal consultation.
*Article by Lawrence R Samuel Ph.D. in Psychology Today entitled “Death, American Style” article link.