It’s common to be afraid of getting a divorce when there’s so much information out there that it’s, well, downright scary. It’s like getting to the edge of a cliff and being afraid to jump. Fortunately, most, if not all of this “information” is simply not true. You might call it pure myth.
Some of the most common myths I’ve heard include:
I had to get a second job just to pay the benefits.
A judge would force me to return to work.
I will never see my children.
I became “selfish” by not thinking about the impact divorce would have on my children.
I will lose all rights to my house if I move.
If I hire a lawyer, my partner will think I want to “fight” and it will cost me money I don’t have.
What you may not know is that there are things you can do to gain more control over how your problem will be resolved.
First and foremost, hire a good attorney who concentrates on divorce and family law. In my opinion, hiring the right attorney is one of the most important decisions you can make when starting the divorce process. This is an investment that will pay you back in droves.
For example, a skilled attorney can develop a good relationship with your spouse’s attorney and work with him or her to gather the information you need to negotiate a satisfactory parenting and financial settlement – meaning that you can avoid the courts making the decisions that matter most to you. In addition to having greater predictability and control, you can save time and money, both financially and emotionally, from being dragged through a lengthy and acrimonious litigation process.
Second, invest time in consulting with a reputable accountant, certified financial planner, and possibly a family counselor for custody issues or parenting time. These professionals can give you a wider range of options to work with when it comes to establishing a mutually agreed parenting schedule; how much benefits you can afford and how best to take advantage of the tax benefits; or how you can maximize short-term cash flow or save for retirement. The benefits are incalculable. Then have your attorney work with these other professionals to devise the best option strategy for you to resolve your issue with your spouse. The more options you see available to you, the more confident and fearless you will be.
Where did these myths come from? Many have told me they heard it from well-meaning so-called family, friends, colleagues, friends of friends, neighbors, and so on. Ironically, you will find that the people who spread this myth never even got divorced!
In short, it is best to avoid believing the toxic myths circulating out there. In fact, do not listen. Instead, associate with friends and family who support you in your transition through the divorce process. These people can help you recognize that your situation is unique and that the decisions you make in resolving issues in your divorce are your own.